Reflection

"They forgot to tell us! or somebody stole the rule book!” I want to shout into the crowd.
How ironic! I sound like my students. Of course, nobody stole the book. It is truly doubtful that I was not told over and over again."You need to have a plan. What are you going to do with your life? Have you applied to a college or two? Have you thought about what you want to choose as a major?" Obviously, my listener was broke. My ears were working properly as far as I can remember. Now I find myself looking in the mirror and thinking about my past.Reflection is an evil monster. Sure, at first, it was lovely. Your 501s hug your firm little butt as you glance back checking your backside. Your hair is luxurious, bouncy and full of color. No need to cover the gray or the bulges. That is decades away, if ever!Well, hello decades away! You are not only on my front porch. You are in my house and lazily sprawled out on my couch eating Bonbons. Now the reflection contains gray hairs, wrinkles, and a future in the past covered in cellulite!
Whoa, don't misinterpret. Life is amazing. I am basking in the fullness of my gravity-based existence. But it was not part of my plan or should I say plan less plan. At least I am emboldened by the fact that I have not just floated along passively accepting my fate. I have reached out and changed my situation. I have hit the wall, bounced back and ran again with fortitude. Yes, I am bruised and a little more beat up than some, but I have never been broken. I am the big little engine that could. I just keep chugging along. In my younger days, someone told me that I was never satisfied:"When you get what you want, you throw it away." she accused.I have to disagree. Have you ever been in a situation where you got what you wanted and then found out that it was just a facade: an illusion? Is it wise to continue in the charade or to get the hell out before the option to get the hell out is gone?So, I guess reflection can be helpful and not necessarily painful. What will my reflection be in another forty years? Yes, I am stating right now that I will be lucid and have the capacity to be reflective in 40 years. Will my missteps in the first 40 years provide a solid foundation for the pursuits I have yet to embrace? I will have a plan this time: a vision. I do not have the luxury of skating by on my youthful ass or brilliant green eyes (not that I took full advantage of it at the time). My endeavors will depend on the depth of my knowledge and the lessons learned in the first 40 years.Happy trails!