This week has been a test in how many different and creative ways I can over-extend myself and thereby, display erratic, unpredictable, and totally irrational behavior. It's not enough for me to be completing my M.Ed in Education, working on papers until all hours of the night and morning, attending Arts Night at the high school, taking my daughter to get her driving test, moving into another home, creating an exciting lesson about Argentina with handouts and treats for 160 second graders, but also accepting to teach the lesson on Sunday morning all within the same seven days. My delusion of being Wonder Woman has suffered irreparable damage. Not to mention that I have spent hours on the phone being transferred, rerouted, recorded on message machines, and missing calls because, not only did I get charged twice for my graduation garb (required to walk across the stage) but there was not even a record of my order. I can happily report that I did finally receive my supplies but am still waiting on the extra $200 that was so conveniently removed from my account. And since when does $75.00 fee mean the same thing as "We will waive the fee..."?
Luckily I was able to save some time by going through the drive-in window to pick up my prescription. Too bad over half the prescription was missing from the bottle when I opened it at home. Another call, put on hold, can you please come back to our store.... Wow, I sure am glad I took that time-saving measure.
Of course, by then, I was ornery, stressed, and needed to find an enjoyable distraction. This is when I tiredly pulled my exhausted self to the computer to read the newest blog of my favorite author. But, wait! What? Teachers are scoundrels and the cause of all the world's problems including but not limited to global warming and poverty. (No, it didn't really say this. It was just my rose-thorn colored glasses tinting my perspective!) Well, let me tell you, I wasn't going to take this abuse any more and I let those blog followers have it! Then I went to bed.....
...And woke up very early the next morning feeling like a putz! I had realized sometime during my fitful sleep that I had just spewed my venom on the blog page of a woman that I adore, admire, and think is one of the most creative thinkers and writers that I have ever had the privilege to know in my short embattled excuse for a life.
Cautiously and full of remorse, I went back to her blog and in a very feeble attempt, apologized for my attack. I still feel awful.
I then proceeded to prepare to teach my awe inspiring lesson at church. Talk about feeling like a complete and utter moron! My humble self came out from around the corner and kicked my self- righteous, prideful butt right off the cliff and made me land smack dabble on my knees. Can you say: REPENT, REPENT, REPENT....I sure can, now!
Of course, being the graceful, poised woman that I love and respect, she never even mentioned my appalling behavior and continued on with a lovely blog about solitude and Solitude: the mental state of being and a beautiful album she was asked to review.
I have learned from this experience that the danger of stretching oneself too thin is not the act of producing shoddy work and incomplete projects but in acting in a manner that is not consistent with one's own nature. I became an ogre, not only to strangers (those poor in-the-wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time victims) but to those people I respect and love. I have learned that sometimes, asking for help is not only helpful (duh) but imperative! So if you ever feel guilty for saying "No" just remember this horrid tale you have just encountered. Hopefully you will remember the woman who encountered even more guilt because she said "Yes" when she should have said "No".
Sorry, DeNae…
You sweet lady. I never gave it a second thought. Honest! Perhaps a big part of it had to do with the fact that I agreed with you. Half my family and in-laws are teachers. Heck, I'm a certified teacher myself! And anyone really taking in what I was saying would have realized that I was NOT writing about what rotten people teachers are, it was about what a complete wimp noodle I am when summoned to any place of authority. Principal, bishop, my dad -- they all give me that "oh crap what did I do now" feeling! But people tend to hear what is already going on in their own heads.
ReplyDeleteAnd I feel ZERO guilt saying "No" these days. OK, not really, but not nearly as much guilt as I used to feel. My problem is not knowing when I'm stretched too thin until it's too late to do anything about it. What is it about calendars that dictates that no matter how spread out the saying of "Yes" may have been, it all comes due in the same 48 hours?? You had every right to feel frazzled; I would have been a basket case.
And meeeeeean...
Hugs to you!
DeNae